There is a lot to process when someone dies: grief is a natural response to the loss of a loved one. It can be overwhelming to tackle everyday life on top of grieving, let alone try to take charge of the admin that comes in the aftermath of somebody’s death. Working out what to do first when someone dies, from arranging the funeral and organising relevant paperwork for a solicitor to clearing out personal belongings, can feel like there is a huge hill to climb. However, you do not have to face this alone. It is okay to ask for help and to take breaks along the way.
Below, we cover a few of the most important steps to follow in the weeks and months after someone has died.
Organise Paperwork
If your loved one has left a Will behind, they will have named one or more executors to administer their affairs and deal with everything to do with their estate. Executors can be solicitors, family members, friends, or a combination of all three. It is the responsibility of an executor to ensure that the deceased’s wishes are honoured, while also organising paperwork, wrapping up financial affairs, and distributing assets according to the Will that is in place.
When someone dies, it’s not only important to let friends and family know, but several organisations will need to be notified. Immediately following the death, a medical certificate will need to be obtained to register the death. From there, a funeral can be arranged so that you can honour your loved one and celebrate their life with those who cared about them (if this was part of their wishes).
In the following weeks and months, there is often a huge amount of things to deal with and sort out. All banks and utilities organisations will need to be notified about the death. All of this, as well as sorting through various paperwork that your loved one may not have organised, may seem like a mammoth task but it is important to remember you are not alone. Support is available to those who may need assistance with tasks they are confronted with in the aftermath of a loved one’s death.
Clearing Out Personal Belongings
Losing a loved one makes us face up to our own mortality. We will all be gone one day: our lives represented by a collection of clothes, furniture, documents, photos, and random detritus. These items create mountains of memories: a story told through the possessions we’ve valued and loved. But there is also all the junk that’s piled up along the way without anyone noticing. So, what do you keep when someone dies?
Don’t keep stuff just because you feel like you should. ‘Stuff’ in itself isn’t usually important. What makes things feel important is the emotional value we attach to them and that’s irreplaceable. It is certainly difficult to throw away things that once belonged to someone we love, but before you make the journey to the dump, why not rehome items? By giving them a new home, you can give these items a new lease of life while still being able to cherish the belongings that provide you with the strongest connection.
There might be a horrible vase you always wondered why your gran kept but now you can’t bear to part with it. What would she say? Sell it and don’t feel guilty; you can look at it as an investment she made on your behalf. Toast her with bubbly you buy with the proceeds. Finding someone else who will appreciate a piece of furniture, or a much-loved picture will give you closure and peace; as well as a feeling of satisfaction that you’ve done the right thing. It’s the most respectful thing you can do with a loved one’s belongings. The value they attached to their possessions will be appreciated by someone new.
Clearing a loved one’s home and dealing with their possessions can be overwhelming and upsetting. But it’s a vital part of the healing process, helping you to come to terms with your loss and accepting the fact that they’re gone. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. It may be beneficial to request support from an outside source who does not have the same emotional attachment to items as they can logically redistribute items.
Preparing Their Home to Sell It
Once you have managed to rehome or distribute a loved one’s personal belongings, it will be much easier to decide what to do with their home if they owned one.
If your loved one has not left specific instructions in their Will, it is up to the executor(s) of the estate and beneficiaries to decide what to do with the house. A grant of probate, or Confirmation as it is known in Scotland, will have to be obtained to conclude the legal aspects of wrapping up the person’s estate and the sale of any house and property. A solicitor would do this for you. It will be important to prepare the home for selling. This will mean contacting solicitors or estate agents and ensuring the home is clean (and clear) for photographs and viewings. There are various ways in which you can enlist help to do this, and often, your solicitor will be able to provide resources.
Looking For Some Support?
There’s so much to think about and deal with when someone dies, and you are mourning the loss of a loved one. The process of organising paperwork and belongings can be lengthier than many people foresee, requiring a lot of time and energy. Not everyone has the capacity to cope with it and it is important to remember it is okay to ask for help. While it is good to lean on friends and family, it can be even better to resource support from an outsider who is detached from the situation. At the Executor’s Helper, I provide practical help and assistance where and when it is needed. Whether it’s sifting through paperwork or sorting out clothes and personal belongings, I can do it with both efficiency and empathy. If this sounds like something you can benefit from, contact me and we can discuss how I can best help you during this difficult time.
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